Through My Window

I have a magic window.

It is small and cute.

It only works when people pass by.

Through my window I see much.

I see chatty children.

I see annoyed parents.

I see into families, some seem happy, some don't.

I see the mountains, and they see me.

I see the rain as it drops and the sun as it shines.

I see the termination dust approaching, slowly but ever so surely.

I see many types of people. 

I see red necks, foreigners, lovers of life, locals, hippies, smokers, dads, tourists, Military...

All different, but all the same.

My window provides me with glimpses into the life's of others.

I see their habits.

I see their emotions.

I see their thoughts.

There is only one problem with my window.

My window doesn't allow me to see what I desire most, that is, into myself.

What I've learned:

'Good' can turn to 'bad', just as 'bad' can turn to 'good'.

I've learned to accept circumstances not as their perceived worth to me, but for exactly what they are.

Before one can partake in true outer peace, they must first come to inner peace.

I've learned that to change the world, we must first change ourselves.

Organic food is expensive!

I've learned to be broke.

If we dwell in the past we are regretful, angry, or wanting. If we fear the future we are anxious or scared. Both dwelling in the past or fearing the future take away from being completely present.

I've learned to live in the now.

To understand a piece of your self is to understand a piece of someone else.

I've learned we are all connected.

We are all scared.

I've learned we all fear something.

When we catch a glimpse of truth, it resonates within us.

I've learned that every truth lies inside our very selves.

Everything is apart of something bigger, grander, more intricate than it self. Everything is also made up of smaller, tinier, complex 'things'.

I've learned this, and I find it to be  absolutely beautiful.

Where our roots have been established doesn't define us.

I've learned that where we go, or how we grow, is totally our decision.

Ignorance leads only to a superficial bliss, a bliss that isn't comparable to genuine happiness.

I've learned to learn.

If one is searching for truth, truly searching, they will find it.

I've learned we don't always find it where expected.

Writing is an art.

I've learned I'm an artist!

These are things that I have learned.

My Decision and Why

For those of y'all who don't already know, I have decided to not attend college, at least for the time being. This wasn't a decision that was unexpected or without thought, but something I've contemplated for the past year or so. College is a great way to learn and to grow as a person, not to mention all the different people you meet along the way. It obviously wasn't these reasons that pushed me towards my decision, it was some others.

Reason one was security. It seems that some peoples soul reason for attending was my soul reason for not. I don't like the idea of having a degree to fall back on, or money for that matter. As the author Scott Peck puts it, " The only real security in life lies in relishing life's insecurities." My preference is to focus on the "Now" in life, in simply just being. I don't want to know what my future holds. Not that going to college would necessarily guarantee me anything, after all, who knows where the future will lead.  It seems that where I end up and what I do will always be changing. The more faith I put into myself, the less faith I put into life.  Life is filled with instances of serendipity and fortune that there is no way of predicting, I'm going to move out of the way and let it takes it's course.

We can learn the same idea or concept in often more ways than one. Whether it be research, reading, surveying, or simply doing, all are ways to educate our selfs. I want to learn by doing, by being thrown in the midst of life and seeing what it has to teach me. When discussing the decision to not attend college with my peers, I was frequently criticized and told of the importance of education. This confused me. By not attending college, yes, I am passing up an opportunity, but only to pick up another one. I don't want to learn in the classroom, I want to learn from experience.

My last reason is something internal. It's my motives. I've jumped back and forth many times...countless times on this decision. After much introspection I now see the reason for my indecisiveness. If I were to attend college in my current state of mind, my motives would be security, money, the need to fit in, and lastly, the simple fact that it would be easy. To me these motives aren't just enough to over rule what I actually want to do. What do I actually want to do? I'm not sure, but I suppose I should begin with what I don't want, which for me happens to be to attend college. I'm comfortable with this decision, I'm happy. What more could I want?

By no means will this route be easy. It will be challenging and will force me to be creative in how I go about living.  I'm sure there will be times when I have no idea where to step next. This excites me, and to life I say, "bring it on."